Chapter 11 - The Last Dragon
The truth is nothing more than a lie that grew a backbone.
Where we discover the real truth is just a matter of perspective. That dragons can go off, in lots and lots of ways. And you should always remember your first kiss.
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7,
Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10
Constance sat at her desk rearranging her stationary supplies.
This was her kingdom!
Her little corner of Bone Valley, where she was in control.
…Admittedly, it was a very poor kingdom that had been constructed with six besser bricks, an old wooden door she’d found outside the palace, and a chair with four legs but only three with wheels.
This awkward chair basically summed up her whole existence; if she lent the right way, she could get through life without tipping herself over, but it was rather taxing and uncomfortable to do so.
Today, she hoped, was going to be the day she had longed for, dreamed about and desired right to her very heart's core. Today would be the day when that uppity skinny little… ‘witch’ Beatrix was going to get what she deserved! Today, Mother Heggerty would punish her for aiding and abetting the ‘murder’ of a highly protected and endangered species, to wit, ‘The Yellow Dragon’!
Admittedly, the day, even though it was only 9:00 am, was already a very long one.
Honestly, being woken in the wee hours of the morning by Mother Heggerty leaning over her bed and breathing right into Constance’s face was not the most pleasant way for anyone to greet the pre… pre… pre-dawn. And then, being instructed to stand outside the senior witches’ office door, making sure nobody came in; otherwise, Constance would have both feet nailed to the floor with her tongue stapled on top for good measure, did not, in actual fact, start the junior witches’ day off in the best way.
But here she was, bright and early, behind her desk, waiting for Beatrix and her scummy little friends to attend the appointment at 9:30 am sharp, and be damned, Constance thought, if she would allow Beatrix to lord it over her this time. There was no way that pampered little witch would get away with this!
As she absent-mindedly chewed what was left of her fingernails, Constance could never understand why her burden was so heavy, yet Beatrix’s so light. How much praise had rained down upon Beatrix when she came up with the stupid idea of trying to brick up the dragon's hole? That annoying little witch had almost drowned in a monsoon of admiration from Mother Heggerty.
Yet every time Constance tried to talk to the head witch about the kind of magic that would actually be required to close a four-dimensional hole through space and time, she was shut down, glared at and told to go and stand on her cross.
Constance snorted to herself before mumbling resentfully, “If I’d come up with that stupid brick idea, I would’ve had a brick shoved down my throat! And begging your pardon, I would have had to go find the brick first!”
It wasn't Constance’s fault that Beatrix, her boyfriend and their weird friends had ‘murdered’ The Yellow Dragon yesterday. The way Constance saw it, it was totally unfair for her to shoulder any of the blame; she wasn't even there when it happened! Well… as far as anybody was aware, she wasn't there. Well… as far as the old stupid pig witch who ran her stupid little hospital was aware. And that's what mattered; nobody was aware of Constance, and so she used her invisibility to her advantage and hopefully to everybody else's disadvantage.
“Constance!” hammered on the internal side of Mother Heggerty’s golden office doors, “Are they here yet?”
“No, Mother Heggerty, I’ll lead them in when they do!” And then quietly, she murmured to herself, “Like lambs to the slaughter.” and then giggled quietly as she patted down her frizzy bed hair.
A spiteful sneer grew on the chubby face of the adolescent witch.
Today was definitely going to be different.
Very different.
Today, Constance would stand back and watch someone else get roasted for a change.
Hopefully, Beatrix would be ordered to buy paint out of her own money, be forced to paint a big fat cross on Mother Heggerty’s office floor, and have her foot nailed to it!
If all her dreams came true, Constance snickered; today would be a wonderful day. She checked the milk crate under her desk for the brand-new hammer and packet of nails she purchased yesterday afternoon with her very own money.
*
“It’s awfully quiet, isn’t it!” As he sat beside Torren in the cart’s passenger seat Zorro felt somewhat surprisingly uncomfortable at the lack of people. Bone Valley’s main street was eerily empty, considering it was only 9:15, which to any sane individual is comparatively early.
“Mmmm.” Pondered Torren, who had noticed the distinct lack of society since leaving his garage, but now that the werewolf pointed it out, he felt somewhat relieved he wasn’t paranoid.
From within the dark walnut coffin, which rested on the cart’s tray, its occupant’s muffled voice could be heard. “What’s going on? Stop mumbling. Tell me what’s going on!”
“Nothing, that’s the problem. There’s no one on the street.” Zorro leaned closer to Torren and whispered, “Just the way I like it. People freak me out.” Then he leaned back and called out, “Put up your periscope, then you can see for yourself, Sangre.”
The coffin's occupant extended his periscope up from the lid of his daytime travelling compartment, causing a disconcerting squeaking to scratch away at Torren's hindbrain, and before he could stop himself, his thoughts burst out of his mouth, “You’re a six-foot-seven, really hairy, agoraphobic werewolf who can only go out of his home if he’s wearing a little white pony onesie… and people freak you out!”
Zorro patted his white and rainbow unicorn-patterned new onesie with the ‘life-like’…(if you were four years old) unicorn hoody. Zorro smiled widely, showing off his abnormally large K-9s, and crooned, “It’s all soft, warm, and cuddly and makes me feel happy on the inside.” He leaned back on the seat’s backrest, stretching his arm behind Torren.
“You don’t have anything on underneath, do you?”
“No. No, I don’t, comrade. You should try it sometime ‘cause it’s fluffy in all the right places.” Zorro smiled and absorbed as much of the bright mid-morning sunlight as he could.
As the brass periscope swivelled around, taking in the empty streets, Sangre, the coffin’s occupant, spoke once more. “I don’t like the look of this. Why are the streets empty? It’s very odd and strange.”
Odd and strange ran around Torren’s mind. He thought it odd and strange that he couldn’t wait to get to Mother Heggerty’s office, a place he normally avoided. But at least he would see Beatrix, and she at least was sane and relatively normal.
The fact that last night Beatrix had been a bit power drunk from doing magic for the first time and, during her afterglow, had kissed him had nothing to do with looking forward to seeing her.
Not one tiny bit.
Not even a smidge.
…Well, maybe just a little smug.
Torren sighed when he realised that if he thought a magic-wielding witch was normal. Well, …his standards had changed a lot in the last twenty-four hours!
She was a lot more normal than the werewolf and vampire.
And a HELL of a LOT MORE NORMAL than Sir Richard.
She was probably the most normal person Torren knew.
*
“That’s not normal!” Beatrix pulled her sleeve down over her right hand; nervous blue eyes looked around the empty street, making sure no one had heard her.
Nope, she was okay.
No one was anywhere near her.
The black sleeve of her junior witch’s dress was pulled up, revealing a single golden scale sitting proudly on the back of her right hand. The very hand she’d used last night to let her magic out whilst protecting Torren. This was not good. This was very bad. Another attempt to pick it off was enacted, but the hard scale resisted removal. Beatrix continued for a moment or two to feverously scratch away at it in frustration. After closer inspection, the hideous dermal denticle proved to be entirely welded to her skin. “Bugga!”
“What ho pretty lady.”
In abrupt self-consciousness, the scale, her sleeve and hand were swung quickly behind her back.
“I’m delightfully glad you agreed to meet me for coffee and cake this morning.” Sir Richard bounded along the street in his pure white tailored suit and silver cane, calling out his morning greetings for anyone to hear. Secretly, Sir Richard hoped that Beatrix would notice his bowler hat matched the colour and cloth of his tailored outfit perfectly and, later, he hoped she might also notice his underwear did as well.
“Oh please…” Beatrix checked her sleeve, ensuring it covered the scale. “We’re not having coffee or cake; we’re going to see my boss and explain how and why we killed the Yellow Dragon.”
“What ho, yes dreadfully frightful business. Let’s us not speak of last night’s awful horror show again.” Sir Richard smiled and pushed his hat with his canes silver knob to a jaunty angle, “Well then, drinks afterwards?”
“No.” Beatrix took a deep, cleansing breath, “We killed a dragon, a big dragon, and once the other BIG, angry and insane dragons find out, they’ll probably want a little bit of revenge, which might include wanting the five of us stuck on a large pole, so we resemble a human kebab. So, no. No coffee, cake or drinks. And definitely, no talking about me actually attacking her with magic or Torren stabbing her with his glass knife. We don’t need the truth coming out. We have bigger issues to worry about.”
“Shame, maybe dinner next week then, what ho?”
Beatrix couldn’t wait for Torren and the others to arrive, even though Torren had been acting a little weird after he killed the dragon; in comparison to Sir Richard… a little weird was better than a lot weird!
*
“Explain how you killed Amarilla El Amante Hambriento, otherwise known as ‘The Yellow Dragon’.” Mother Heggerty’s voice was in a killing mood. “Did you realise they all have their own individual names? Hm? Did you? When you were killing her, did you realise she was sentient and had an equally large, vicious, and hungry group of friends who may wish to exact a little payback? Hm? Do you have any thoughts at all on this subject? Hm?”
Mother Heggerty sat behind her magnificent gold gilt ornate desk and stared at the nervous group who felt like little mice lined up before her.
“Well, Mother Heggerty,” Beatrix took a deep breath and curtsied nervously. As she was first in line, they’d agreed she would do all the talking.
…Also, because she was a witch and, she could do magic out of her fingers, which could BBQ an elephant at 100 paces.
…Also, because she said she’d do all the talking.
And also, because nobody else wanted to be first.
“Honestly, she really gave us no choice. It was either her or Torren.” Beatrix curtsied again and smiled whilst she pointed down the line to the sullen Torren.
“At dusk,” the young witch clarified with as much false honesty as she could muster, “the Yellow Dragon landed outside of Torren’s home, dug through his front door and followed us all the way to Mother Harper’s Hospital, where we sought medical attention for Sir Richard. He was injured in his first brave attempt to shoo her away.”
“My bottom was very sore, but it’s all better now, what ho!” Sir Richard stood nervously, smiling at Mother Heggerty. He was trying desperately not to turn his head and look at Sangre, as every time he did, the vampire would nervously look back at him and smile with a love-sick expression painted over his features.
Trying to ignore them all, the young witch carried on, “Yes, yes, that’s true. So, when the Yellow Dragon tracked us down and turned up at Mother Harper’s, we evacuated the hospital so no one would get hurt.” Beatrix thought this a very good point to raise but wasn’t sure if Mother Heggerty cared or not. Stuttering, the young witch continued, “Well… we ran… well, probably it’s more accurate to say we climbed through the hole next to the gate and then ran blindly in screaming panic into the Cemetery just next to the hospital, thinking we would hide there in a crypt until dawn. We honestly thought, Mother Heggerty,” Beatrix smiled as best she could through the blatant lies, “we’d be able to wait for her to get bored and fly away.”
A husky voice blurted out, “But we couldn’t hide properly because that annoying old git wouldn’t shut up and kept on calling out, ‘Flossy, they’re ‘ere, my love.’” Zorro smiled.
Beatrix could feel a bead of sweat trickle down her spine. “Yes, very true, thank you. So, we were cornered in the crematory hall when the dragon ripped open the front doors and slithered in. She grabbed Torren in her terrible clawed hand and licked him from head to toe. Then she opened her mouth up wide to drop him in, but…” And here was the biggest lie of all, “Torren punched her on the nose, which turned her back into a woman. When Torren fell to the ground and hit his head, Zorro pounced on the dragon woman and held her down with his full body weight.”
“She was naked and I saw her boobies!” Zorro smiled whilst Sangrey covered his eyes with a thoughtful hand.
“Yes… yes, she was naked,” Beatrix continued barnstorming through the disruption. “The dragon woman was taken by surprise because Zorro looked quite harmless in his unicorn costume.”
Mother Heggerty raised an eyebrow at the werewolf who held and swung happily the red-cheeked Torren’s hand backwards and forwards whilst he waved happily back at her. Zorro’s demeanour screamed ‘sweet little toddler’, but it was somewhat derailed by his size, teeth and bushy facial hair.
“Anyway,” Beatrix continued, “Sangre, being a vampire, looked into her eyes and took control of her mind, calming her so we could begin to tie her hands.”
“You’re my chef!” stated the surprised Head Witch.
“Yes!” Answer Sangre in a monotone response.
“You keep presenting me with ridiculous vegan meat substitutes!”
“Yes.” Answer Sangre proudly.
“Why? You’re a vampire….” Mother Heggerty’s eyebrow raised higher.
“I have a blood phobia.”
The witch's cackle echoed mercilessly around the room as Sangre continued his well-practised but silent ‘keep calm and don’t rip out her throat’ mantra.
Clearing her throat, Beatrix wrestled back control over the careening events. “Sangre asked her where they… the dragons were coming from and how we could close the portal, but before she could answer, Richard, who’d passed out due to the severe buttock pain and being carried over Zorro’s shoulder as we escaped the hospital, woke up, screamed out “I have a burning ring of fire.” To wit, he then jumped up and tripped over the annoying old-aged pensioner who’d been following the Yellow Dragon in the hopes he’d get lucky and who is now, thankfully, unhappily back in his retirement village. In Richard’s defence, he tried to gain his balance, but the cream Mother Harper had made for his scolded bottom acquired from his first dragon encounter had actually kicked in properly, and so, therefore, he had little to no co-ordinated use of his legs at that exact point and for about three hours afterwards, which made his toileting routine a group effort, which I don’t wish to discuss at any time in my life.”
Mother Heggerty shook her head slightly in response to the barrage of words being thrown upon her by the junior witch.
“So,” Beatrix took a deep breath, “Richard staggered into Sangre as he grabbed his own bottom and cried out, “Oh, it feels like a hedgehog has made a home in my b-hole”, which, through the collision made Sangre break eye contact with the dragon. This resulted in the Yellow Dragon in her human form breaking free from Zorro’s grip, turning, grabbing him and throwing him into Sangre with enough force to slam the both of them against the crematory wall, leaving a crack in the stones. She then turned and screamed, “Come here, lover boy, I want to make sweet love to you,” which initially made Torren stop and consider her attack,” Beatrix threw a stony gaze quickly down at the blushing cartman before she continued. “But then the Yellow Dragon said, “And then after I’ve made all your dreams come true, I’m gonna rip your guts out and eat your heart,” which wiped the smile off his face.” Beatrix threw a smarmy little smirk at the now beetroot-red young cartman. “So, then Mother Heggerty, the Yellow Dragon, leapt at Torren for a second time, who, by no fault of his own, whilst defending his virtue and consequently his life… accidentally stabbed her with a broken piece of glass he’d picked up off the floor to defend himself with, and because she was in human form and very soft and human-like, Torren was horrified when the glass went into her stomach. We all intended to apply first aid to her wound and take her to Mother Harper’s try and save her, but she exploded before we could do anything.”
Beatrix grinned nervously as, in her peripheral eye-line, she watched the four others recount her story back in their heads, ticking away every pre-planned step. She didn’t know why she didn’t want Mothe Heggerty knowing she could do magic… But she just didn’t, and that was good enough for the others.
Sir Richard added miserably, “Guts went everywhere! It was like standing in a shower of meat rain. Totally gross. It got into every crack and crevice imaginable, what ho. I had to ask my man here to use a pair of chopsticks to really get in there and get an eyeball out of… well, let’s just say it was icky!”
Beatrix smiled and curtsied again and Torren pushed the chopstick incident into the recesses of his mind.
“Interesting.” Mother Heggerty smirked back at the nervous crew but, to Beatrix and Constance's surprise, seemed totally absorbed by Torrens’s every movement. That somehow annoyed both witches quite deeply, but for very different reasons.
“Sorry, Mother Heggerty, Torren is a dung collector, so he stinks a bit.”
Torren looked back up the line at Beatrix with an acusational stare, “That didn’t stop you kissing me last night!”
“I didn’t kiss you!”
“Yes, you did. You grabbed him by the face, pulled an extra ear off his cheek, and kissed him really, really hard for a really, really long time! Then he went and sat down for ten minutes because he said he wasn’t quite ready to stand up in front of us all.” Zorro smiled helpfully.
“I don’t remember kissing him!” Beatrix was taken aback in shock.
“That’s breaking one of our commandments, Mother Heggerty. She should be punished! He should be punished for kissing a witch. They all should be punished!” Constance was almost quivering with excitement. The meeting had gone so well, with so many transgressions given, it was inevitable that Beatrix should take her shoe off and get her hammer ready.
Without warning, Mother Heggerty slipped out from behind her gilt desk; her well-tailored knee-high A-line dress clinging to every curve, emphasising her innate raw sexuality.
Beatrix looked down at her second-hand black ankle-length dress, old army boots and patched midnight cloak. A blush crept out from under her collar.
“Would you like me to call the executioner Mother Heggerty?” Constance failed in trying to hide her wide grin behind her notebook. “I know he normally has his lunch at this time, but I’m sure he’d put his cheese sandwich to….”
“Oh, do be quiet, Constance. Go and stand on your cross; your breathing interferes with my train of thought.”
Mother Heggerty swayed towards the blushing Torren, her black high heels emphasising her long legs. “I bet,” she simpered as a brown curl was swept off the young man’s forehead, “being sexually ravaged and then eaten feet first by a cheap and tacky sex-crazed yellow dragon was not the way you expected to end your life?”
Torren tried to let go of the werewolf’s hand, but Zorro was having none of it, and so instead, the young man moved his satchel in front of his hips.
Young Constance’s eyes watered as she waddled past Beatrix and her friends on the way to stand on her thick black cross. A daggered glare was thrown at her nemesis. “Proper witches don’t have boyfriends”, snuck out from between gritted teeth.
Before she could restrain herself, Beatrix burned back sweetly, “Is it true you had to buy the paint for the cross yourself?”
Constance stomped off to the office corner and stood on the fat black cross on the floor facing the wall, mumbling under her breath, “You think you so clever, Beatrix, but you wait. You’ll burn, and I’ll be there to watch.”
“Love your stationery collection, Constance; where did you get your office furniture? Out of the local tip?”
“Unfortunately, yes, Beatrix, unlike some, I don’t have time to go shopping for building materials; I’m too busy performing magic every day and helping my city and its people!”
“Oh, I’m sorry, you’re doing magic? I hadn’t noticed, maybe because sticking a plank on a couple of bricks might seem magical to the likes of you. And I might not be ofay with my own power, but at least when called upon, I’m capable of fighting off a bloody great class one sex-crazed dragon who’s about to eat one of my friends. But then again, Constance, you don’t have any friends, now do you, because you're such a little toxic snivelling backstabbing tale-telling witch!”
Constance’s eyebrow rose above one eye… as Beatrix turned bright red in fear that she’d accidentally let something slip.
Mother Heggerty laughed so delicately it sent a shiver up the spines of every male in the room. “Oh, I do love healthy competition. Don’t you, Mr Torren?” She ran a long red fingernail over his jawline and flicked a quick look at Beatrix. “Do you know what strength, what raw power it takes to kill a dragon, you delicious little man? Do you have any witches in your family line?”
Beatrix’s eyes widened. Did Mother Heggerty, who could hear every little lie that people a hundred klicks away just thought about privately in their heads, just miss her slip-up?
Torren’s swallow caused an echo in the room. “No. No to both those questions.”
“He’d like a little bit of witch in his family line though, eh Beatrix!” Zorro giggled, then turned seriously to Torren and commented in a very loud whisper, “Once I have shown Mother Harper my moves, I can always lend you my hunka hunka man outfit.”
Beatrix smiled self-consciously as Constance, who had turned from facing the wall, continued to stare at the back of her nemesis's head with a laser beam-like glare.
“Oh, good goddess, please stop him. I don’t want to hear the disgusting details of him and the pig witch. What ho.” Sir Richard directed his gaze at Sangre, who blushed.
Zorro growled low and menacingly.“How’s the dragon snot cream on your arse Dicky? It seems all that carpet burn cleared up pretty quickly under the care of… how did you put it? Oh, that’s right, ‘The Pig Doctor’!”
Sangre quivered and blushed even more.
A cold laugh echoed out and around the office. “What an interesting band of fellows you are. All the city has to offer to fight off the dragons. Well,” Mother Heggerty lent in and sniffed Torrens’ right ear, “I think you, you delicious young man, are bound for a very bright and hot future. I do. And I also think you’re destined for greatness.” Mother Heggerty pulled out the platinum pin, which kept her blond locks in place. Her golden tresses fell sweepingly down onto her shoulders.
Another loud swallow echoed and reverberated across the room.
Mother Heggerty pressed herself against Torren, who held the leering Zorros hand up to his chin for protection whilst he clutched his satchel closely. The lustful witch whispered into his ear, “In fact, I have a little job or two for you that’s quite pressing.” Her lips caressed his ear.
Beatrix leaned forward, looking down the line. Her piercing and angry blue eyes caught Torrens’s terrified gaze. The poor boy was now trapped between a rock and a hard place.
“I’ve decided!” Mother Heggerty clapped her hands and pinched Torren on his bottom as she turned and walked back to her desk. “You’ll go to the Really Big Mountains and hunt down and kill the Grand Dragon, who just, in the early hours of today, clawed a child right out of her bedroom. Bring her head to me, and all will be forgiven.”
“The kids or the dragons?” Zorro turned to the quivering Torren for clarification. But all the young man could do was continue to swallow loudly. He wanted to fan himself, but Zorro wouldn’t let go of his hand, and he wasn’t going to let go of his satchel.
Sangre breathed softly, “And if we don’t?”
The Head Witch leaned seductively back on her desk and let out a cackle worthy of any nightmare.
That was fun! 😂 Thank you.🩶