Queen Firedrake, No Longer Afraid to Fly! - Worse luck!
Lord Der Ärzte - Gentleman Detective Chapter 24
So much time had been wasted. The fear of flying, the fear of truly being herself, had held back every intricate and revengeful plan for years. But now, those fears were long gone. As she soared through the morning sky, the world held nothing but exhilarating opportunities. Revenge flowed freely through her wanting veins.
Dark and shameful memories of her first disastrous attempt to control Bone Valley were hidden alongside the recollections of punishments and recriminations; all buried in the darkest depths of a long-dead personality.
What was done was done.
All that was left now was to claim ‘the prize’ and keep nurturing her blossoming plans!
A tall grey building with washing lines hanging from square windows on long wooden poles held the Dragon’s attention. Clothes gently caressed by a light breeze, flipped and flapped lazily until she, the Glorious Incarnated Queen Firedrake, passed by. Then, her furious down draft ripped, slapped and tore every item from its pole. With a black heart full of joy, she regally turned and flew an arc back towards the city.
The hero firefighters’ alarm bells rang out loudly first. Then the clanking chimes of the medical heroes followed. The yells and whistles of the downtrodden city’s plod, and finally, the long evacuation siren screamed out into the panicking city. “Yes,” she proudly thought “, run to your holes, rats, I, the Queen of all Dragon kind now dominate your skies!”
An amused glint flickered in her cold silver eyes as she watched all the little rats panic at the sight of her, grabbing their children and bolting for whatever hole they thought deep enough and safe from her flame. Their screams of ‘Dragon’ rose and mingled with the wind, kissing her red-scaled ears with delight.
Nothing, though, derailed the Queen’s attention from her prize. The building in which the child of one of her enemies resided would, by the time this morning was over, no longer exist. Instead, it would become rubble in the mud, pulled apart by magnificent claws, thrown to the filthy ground, becoming nothing more than bloodied bricks. And then, when she sat upon her throne of broken city, the screaming child would be hung up for his mother to see as she dropped the screaming brat past her razor teeth into her gaping, hungry stomach.
Ahh, the joy of it all sparked a rare happiness deep within her hollowed heart.
*
“Keep ringing that bloody siren, don’t let it stop!” was bellowed to the police squad hunkering down in the long alleyway behind every available brick wall and building corner.
“Yes, Captain!” Two young constables tightened the straps on their helmets as they sprinted from the now crouching police command, which at the very front watched in horror as their own homes were targeted by a dragon as black as coal.
Is Joe and his team in position?
“Yes, Lieutenant. Everyone is just waiting for that red bitch to land or flame.” Sargent Aufrecht crouched behind his Lieutenant, watching her closely as she gripped both hands into tight fists.
“I’m sure he’ll be safe, Lucy. The ladies will have them all tucked up tight in the bunker.”
His Lieutenant didn’t answer, but the look in her blue eyes held every parent's worst nightmare. Sergeant Aufrecht wanted to say something... anything positive to comfort his leader. His mind, however, had already begun to drown in old memories and past horrors from the bad old dragon days, leaving no room for anything but silence.
A voice filled with expensive attitude echoed along the ranks. Excuse me, what ho, but I’m coming through. …No, I will not bow down; there’s no point in doing so. No, not at all. I will certainly not even consider removing my top hat. My goodness, man, I wouldn’t be seen dead without it. …Why? My hat, my knees or being dead? …Because you silly man, the dragon is so high in the sky, it can see you all hiding behind that half wall, and I’ll be damned if I bend a knee or take off my hat to a despot ever again! Lucy. Lucy! Will you kindly tell your constable to remove his hand from my lapel and his truncheon from my nostril! It takes Banks an absolutely bloody awful long time to iron my jackets straight, and it would so disappoint him if his work were so quickly undone by your meaty hands, my good fellow. Move aside, I say!
“Let him through” was absent-mindedly murmured as Lucy stood straight, holding her hands to her eyes to track the dragon.
Lord Der Ärzte’s cane tapped its way along the rising police force, who now followed their lieutenant's lead.
“I don’t understand why you’re all so fond of this building. It’s not exactly the most attractive concrete box I’ve ever seen, and by its shoddy design, it was definitely slapped up during the dragon rebuild rush, so I’m sure there are plenty of flaws. That insane scaly beast is probably doing the city a favour by tearing it down." His Lordship grinned happily at Lucy, who couldn’t quite manage to do the same. "It definitely isn’t going to be sending out an invoice for payment, what ho!”
“My son and all our children are inside that building, Harry.” Her eyes clouded. “It’s targeting the police first, so there’ll be no one left to rescue the city.”
His Lordship smiled again, watched the great reptile circle and then land heavily on the washing pole-covered side of the police’s residence before he replied quietly, “Hmm, no, he’s not. No, they are not. And no, it’s not targeting the police at all.”
“Are you blind, ya silly toff?” was called out by an unnamed but soon to learn the error of his ways constable.
“Harrison, you ugly little git, keep ya gob shut on ya own or I’ll shove my size ten boot in it and shut it for ya!” was bellowed out over all the screaming and yelling.
A deeply programmed response, “Yes, Sergeant!” was yelled back.
“Oh, I do so enjoy your turn of phrase, Sergeant Aufrecht. Is this ability a natural raw talent or a learned behaviour?” His Lordship smiled jovially, then quickly whispered in a loud voice that all posh people used, “I’d love some lessons to use on mother if you have the time.” After a few bobs and nods to the stunned Sergeant, his Lordship continued, “But I digress, don’t worry about the building, Lucy. I’ve had several dwelling complexes just completed this week over by Shuttle Cock Bay. Much nicer than this lot, which has running water... Filtered water nonetheless.”
“What do you mean he’s not?” Lucy held as still as one person could whilst holding their breath.
“What? Oh, dear Lucy, I do apologise! I should have immediately informed you. Mother took them all this morning.” His Lordship tapped his heels twice in a quick little bounce. “Yes, my little band of street informants informed me through mouthfuls of hot pig pie and green pea soup that Mother snuck into the building this early morning, and then reemerged about twenty minutes later, followed by a whole bunch of women and children. Apparently, word has it that she insisted a ‘code blue’ was also spread to the other five buildings housing the constabulary's residences, which were evacuated ten minutes before the dragon began flapping about.”
Collectively, the police took a deep breath, except for Lucy, who was still waiting for a full explanation.
“Please explain, then, Harry, why you believe the police aren't being targeted when you can clearly see our homes, and our homes alone, are being attacked right now?" Lucy pointed to the nightmare dragon, who was busily pulling at the washing poles and throwing them to the ground.
“Oh dear, how upsetting. Look, Lucy, at that wanton destruction of washing lines. I bet some mothers are going to be rather annoyed at that.”
“Harry.”
Well, I have never really been involved in the washing process myself, so thankfully, one is not speaking from first-hand experience. And I say this because the amount of whining that Banks does every time he has to boil the copper, I’m sure that my surmising is correct.
His Lordship couldn’t seem to remove his gaze from the dragon, who was now slowly moving down towards a particular window.
“Harry!” The Lieutenant’s voice now carried a tone that indicated to every single one of her captains, sergeants, and constables that her patience was running thin.
Absentmindedly, as the dragon and its direction fixated his mind, his Lordship continued speaking with an air of vagueness, “I mean, it's not as if I ask Banks to wash every single day, and it's not as if Mrs Windex doesn't help him. Mind you, if I am truthful, I would say Mrs Windex uses more judgmental looks to help than she does elbow grease. But from my observations, I would definitely agree with my previous statement that washing people's clothing, bedding, and such like is a dreary, labour-intensive pain in the arse.”
“Harry!” was whispered like an assassin’s promise.
“Aye, aye, ‘e's in trouble now. This ought to be good to watch!”
“Harrison, my size 10 boot is heading in your direction, so shut your gob!”
“Yes, Sergeant!”
Sighing in defeat, his Lordship looked up from his clean shoes, abashed at being the bearer of dreadful news to one he loved. “Dear Lucy, I really didn't want to have to tell you because I'm sure you may find it quite upsetting, and in real fact, it is only just a theory of mine.” His lordship looked about for some kind of escape route, but when none were easily found, he turned to the now steel blue gazes of Lucy's eyes.”
Silence abounded, creating a gap that his Lordship could not ignore because it was left purposefully there for him to fill with information.
Honestly, Lucy, it's a simple idea I've discussed with Wienerbunns, and so it's only a hunch and not something I can prove. If I’m right, though, it explains why the dragon is here.
“Why Harry?”
“Well, dear Lucy, it's personal.”
OK, Harry, it's personal, but tell me why the dragon is here ripping my home to pieces?
“Because, dear Lucy, it’s your house. The dragon is tearing your home apart, and yours alone. Not the other police personnel’s home, just yours.”
The Lieutenant and all her fellow police officers looked back at the grey building they once considered their own, and watched as the dragon reached into a window, pulling down just the part of the wall it belonged to. The gleefully vicious reptile rummaged and scratched around as if searching for something, then it seemed to hesitate and consider if it had the right window. With dexterity that belied its size, the dragon moved to the next window and repeated the same pulling and rummaging process.
“That's my window!”
“Yes, dear Lucy. Like I said, it’s personal!”
Lord Der Ärzte watched as his horrible theory sank into Lucy and her loyal police’s consciousness. He waited, hopeful that someone might ask who would want to harm their Lieutenant. But in this very moment, everyone remained silent because they all knew the answer: a Witch. A very powerful witch! The kind of witch they all believed was dead. Mother Heggerty!
A loud and dramatic voice echoed up the line of police constables. “Will you unhand the lapel of my man, you dreadfully meaty hand… oh my, darling, they are big now, aren’t they? You know, darling, what they say about men with big hands…”
“Wienerbunns, no one cares!” was shouted back down the line of police.
“You might not, Harold, but lots of men with big hands probably do.”
“Does anyone want to play kick the head to lessen the tension. Or maybe, do we have a cannon close by that needs stuffing?” His Lordship tapped at the ground with his cane and bounced several times.
“I will tell Loquacious every single detail of your dreadful threats, Harry. Oh, my goodness, Darling Lieutenant, please tell someone to turn off that bloody awful cacophony of noise. Everyone can see there’s a bloody great dragon doing what bloody great dragons do, we don’t need to be deafened by it as well.”
“Golf? Anyone for a quick round of let’s see how far we can…” His Lordship went very quiet mid-sentence. “Actually… Lucy, that’s a very good idea!”
“People need a warning!”
“Yes, Captain, they do, but right now you are informing the dragon exactly where every single fire fighter, ambulance and dragon fighter is. Please tell them to shut up and be quiet and sneaky from now on!” His Lordship looked around for someone to send off on his errand.
A quick nod was all it took from Lucy, and a small but impressive bird-cage was pulled out from underneath a blue police-issued blanket.
“OH MY GOOD GODESSES !” His Lordship’s eyes had widened to the point where he looked like he was three and had just received all his Christmas presents for the rest of his life in one sitting. “Look, Weinnerbunns, it’s a White Bellbird, it’s a White Bellbird, I can’t believe I’m actually looking at a rare and endangered White Bellbird, a beautiful, wonderful White B… Oh shit! Does anyone have any fluffy ear mufflers I can wear?”
“Socks, darling, take your socks off and shove them in my ears!”
“Use your own socks, Weinnerbunns!” His Lordship had thrown his top hat to the dirt and was busy pulling his brogues off in an attempt to get to his ‘Hot Lands’ cotton socks off and into his ears as fast as possible.
“How dare you, darling, you know I don’t have any feet, or legs or bottom or stomach or arms or shoulders…”
The rest of Doctor Weinnerbunns' long list of missing body parts was lost to the loud and ear-splitting decibels of the White Bellbird, who, upon having its dark blanket removed, looked around, then decided to call, quite hopefully, for any White lady Bellbirds who may be in the local vicinity.
His Lordship stood barefoot, mesmerised in pure rapture with his fingers and socks protruding from his ears, watching the bird call.
Dr Weinnerbunns screamed, but his “Shut up, darling, you bloody awful bird” was drowned out easily.
Just as quickly as it had been removed, the blue blanket was thrown over the large metal bird cage, and the White Bellbird fell sadly into silence. As the police removed their police-issued ear mufflers, his Lordship pulled a finger and sock from his ear. “Bloody marvellous set of lungs on that male!”
"What, darling, what?” Dr. Weinnerbunns, who was sitting on his velvet cushion on the ground because his valet Smithson, had chosen to save his own hearing by shoving his white formal wig into his ears, and who needed both hands to do so, was now being apologetically lifted back to a standing position. “Your lips are moving, Smithson darling, but nothing is coming out.”
Apart from Weinnerbunns, silence washed over the city. The dragon stopped its wanton destruction and looked about, confused.
Quietly, Lucy turned to her commanding officers and whispered, “Signal the crews to move their locations with no noise at all!”
Captain Kupfer whispered in response. “Yes, Lieutenant.”
“What, what did she say, darling?” Weinerbunns bellowed loudly.
“Here, Smithson, use my socks and shove them in his gob.” Added his Lordship helpfully.
“We’re on the move, fall back, everyone!” commanded Lucy.
And as one, the thin blue line melted away into the city and was hidden from the Queen dragon’s puzzled view.
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