The Last Dragon - Chapter 26
Be warned of the belly button vultures and their terrible deeds!
“Now, I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but do you really think shoving the skinny one’s head up the other ones…”
“Yes, my friend, it was very necessary.”
Zorro could have walked much faster, but this thoughtful ambling pace seemed, for some reason, just right. And you know what, just at this very moment, the dark and forbidding forest looked… well, it actually looked quite nice. Granted, the occasional pair of shining eyes peering out from the dark woods on either side of the path was usually a bit off-putting, but at this very moment, they seemed to add a certain je ne sais quoi.
“Oh, okay,” politely replied Demonta.
Silence, peppered with shy smiles, reigned for a moment or two between the strange bedfellows, before Demonta casually enquired, “So… Zorro, have you done that sort of thing before. And I ask simply because, well, you did it so swiftly and… well, precisely.”
“It’s my party trick!”
“Oh.”
“Yes, back when I belonged to a pack.
“Ah, I see.”
A few more moments of jittering silence sauntered along with the werewolf and vampire, expectantly waiting to be filled.
“I really have no idea why everyone makes such a fuss about being a virgin.” Demonta kicked a stone from the dark forest’s path, which soared through the air and thankfully only whizzed past a wide-eyed owl.
Nodding enthusiastically, Zorro agreed wholeheartedly, “Yeah, I know!”.
“I mean, really, when my friend told me what you had to do to stop being a virgin, I almost threw up. I mean, really. If they expect I’m going to do that with my future husband, it’ll be a cold day in a hot place before I even think about it.” Demonta took a deep, calming and unnecessary breath.
“Oh, I think about it, quite a lot actually!” smiled Zorro, who began thinking about it again and then blushed as Demonta touched his arm.
With big, wide brown eyes, Demonta continued earnestly, “I can tell you, I was beyond belief when I was first told. I said, ‘Err, they do not, you’re just making it up!’ and my school chum, Bunty Bloodline, swore and declared on her mother’s life that she wasn’t. And furthermore, Zorro, Bunty swore on our BFF skull that she was telling the absolute truth.”
Demonta drank in Zorro’s facial exhibition of shock at Bunty’s truthfulness. “And then I said it sounded yucky to me and I’d have to be drugged and knocked over the head before I would have anything to do with it.”
“Well,” quivered Zorro, “what did Bunty say you had to do not to be a virgin anymore, because I am a virgin, and what I have been told doesn’t sound too bad. A little biologically weird, maybe, but not bad enough to require me to be knocked over the head.”
Demonta took a deep breath, “Well, I don’t want to shock you because I know exactly how that feels. But apparently, to lose your virginity, you have to have a baby.” Demonta nodded at Zorros’ traumatised expression and felt emboldened to continue in her expert recount of the facts.
“And to have a baby, the daddy and the mummy have a special cuddle where their belly buttons explode out of their stomachs! And then when they do, their belly buttons look like baby vultures without beaks. And then, before you know it, the mummy’s belly button vulture opens its mouth and swallows the daddy’s vulture-belly button.”
Demonta patted Zorro’s arm again because he was looking very pale.
Surprisingly, his complexion changed to bright red, so she thought what she was doing was helping, and so continued eagerly.
Apparently, it’s very painful, because Bunty said her parents scream out, ‘Oh no’, and ‘Oh good goddess’ all the time!” She stopped Zorro on the white stone path so that she had his full attention. “And then, when Bunty disturbed her Mumma and Pappa one time, she said they both looked very hot and sweaty, and her dear Pappa refused to let go of his doona, which he used to cover his baby vulture bellybutton so Bunty wouldn’t see it, as he dashed for her parents’ wardrobe and hid there for a full half hour!”
Zorro’s eyes widened whilst his imagination went and took a cold shower.
Looking around the dark forest on either side of the shimmering path to ensure they weren’t overheard, Demonta continued in an articulate susurrus. “Then, once the mummy’s vulture belly button swallows the daddy’s vulture belly button, the daddy’s belly button vomits a baby inside the mummy.” Demonta pretended to gag before she continued. “And the baby crawls like a slug into the mummy until it reaches her tummy, where it lives for nine months! It eats all the mummy’s food and poops and pees inside her.” Demonta stopped and stared hard into Zorro’s frightened eyes.
“I know, imagine someone pooping and peeing inside you!”
Zorro swallowed, “Mother Harper gave me a little pamphlet which explained ‘The business’ and in no part of it was there a mummy or daddy belly button turning into a vulture, or anything crawling into someone’s stomach and taking a shit there. I mean, we’ve all got our little kinks, but that’s just disgusting.”
“Well, I’m sorry, but I trust my sources because I threatened Bunty with a hot poker and she swore she was telling the truth.”
Pulling the well-fingered pamphlet from one of his deep unicorn onesie pockets, the nervous werewolf handed the thick pamphlet to the young vampire, who took it suspiciously. “Mother Harper doesn’t lie. And there’s not one belly-bumping vulture in her explanation at all. I’ll lend you my pamphlet; you can have a read if you like. There are even pictures. I showed it to Torren, and he read it a lot of times, and said it was completely correct, and wondered where he could buy his own copy without Mother Harper finding out he’d got one.”
Demonta took the pamphlet and opened it, which made her eyes open wide in return.
“So,” continued Zorro helpfully, “I asked Beatrix if she had a copy she could lend or sell to Torren, and she laughed. Torren turned very red, and she then said she had the advanced copy, which she would definitely lend to Torren, making him turn even redder, but he had a happy smile when he did, so I guess that’s alright. And Beatrix is a witch, so she has delivered lots of babies, and I’m sure she would not like Torren to be a vulture or vomit a slug into her tummy.”
“Well, dog, I shall read your pamphlet, but you better darn well hope it’s a lot of lies, because if it’s not, you’ll be helping me to hunt down Bunty and introduce her to the real facts, which she and I shall relay to her parents at the end of a red poker.”
“Will I have to chase anyone down?” asked Zorro.
“Most likely, yes.” Thoughtfully replied Demonta.
“Ooo, sounds like fun!”
The two newfound frenemies continued walking quietly and thoughtfully along the wooded path.
“Why are you friends with all those weird people?”
Zorro caught the nervousness within the young vampire’s question. “Because… well, I guess…” Zorro struggled to find the right words. “Well, on the night we don’t speak about, a dragon landed on my roof and made some very strange noises which freaked me out! I howled, and then the beast set my house on fire. I couldn’t move… Zorro’s speech slowed as his eyes began to look back into his past. “I remember… crawling under the bed to find a dark corner and just watching as the flames grew around me.”
Demonta watched as the faraway nightmare enveloped Zorro, inducing him to quiver and shake. “Here, your unicorn’s horn needs straightening out.” And with a little bit of unnecessary adjustment, “there, that’s much better.” The quivering calmed, allowing Zorro to take a deep breath.
“Thank you.” Zorro checked the zipper and rolled down the sleeves so that the white fluffy unicorn hoof cuffs showed. “No one came to help me when I was screaming. No one from my pack, that is. They all ran from the flame and hid as I howled and howled and howled for them.”
Demonta found herself drowning in the sorrowful pool of Zorro’s warm brown eyes.
“And just when I thought everything was over and I’d fallen silent, ready to embrace my death, your brother reached in under the bed and dragged me out by the scruff of the neck and said, ‘Don’t worry, I’m here,’” Zorro took Demonta’s petite cold hand and held it gently in his warm engulfing hand, “Your dear brother hasn’t left my side yet.”
Demonta blinked furiously as she looked away from Zorro and into the depths of the dark and forbidding forest.
“It was a complete stranger, a vampire, nonetheless, who rescued a terrified werewolf, from a burning building. A member of one of the strongest packs in Bone Valley! But my pack… well, let’s say, werewolves never leave one of their own behind, so,” Zorro shrugged broken-hearted, “what does that make me?”
Demonta squeezed his hand affectionately.
Smiling at her response, Zorro continued. “But then I think about your brother and that makes me very, very happy.” The frenemies began walking along the white stone path, their hands still held together. “I had no money. Nothing to give him to pay Sangre. Nothing to give him for my life. Nothing to equal the balance. But he still cared for me. He chose to keep doing this when I had nothing to offer him. This makes me a very rich person indeed!”
Demonta looked hard at her companion, then turned her gaze inward as she thought deeply about how she treated people, werewolves, those she didn’t know and… her eldest brother.
“I’m glad Sangre was able to rescue you, and I’m glad you’re alright now.”
Zorro smiled, “Oh yes, I am 99.9% all better. And Mother Harper, who is one of my favourite people, because she lets me come over once a week to show her my new costumes and routines, made all my scars go away. Well, most of them anyway. The scars in my head are a little harder to move, but she promises that in time they will fade.”
Demonta’s eyes glassed over with tears, “I think Sangre needed you as much as you needed him.” A warm hand brushed a stray tear from her cheek. “He left us because… well, I guess none of us were prepared to give him the space to just be…” A prickle of regret and dissatisfaction with her own behaviour swept over Demonta, making her stare once more into the dark forest and blink rapidly. “Himself.”
“Sangre says that because my pack abandoned me, it makes me a lone wolf, which makes me a really dangerous bad boy that all the girls will want to change and make better. I don’t think that’s really true, because… Well, look at me.” Zorro stopped and addressed his onesie. “The only way I can be outside without being terrified is by covering up who I really am, and I’m not a lone wolf because I’m with Sangre and Torren and Beatrix and Joe and Mr Geezer and Mrs Tipsy and Lucy.”
“And Sir Richard…” helpfully added Demonta.
“…Yes… him too.” Added the werewolf in a very rare showing of dislike. “And your brother.” Zorro paused, then quietly spoke, “You. Demonta. I am with you, and we are a pack. Because pack members never leave anyone behind and none of those people would ever leave me behind, even your brother Nigel.”
“Oh no, Nigel would leave you behind on a stake without a second’s thought.” Demonta corrected cheerfully.
“No, he wouldn’t. Because he was looking for his pack too, and now he’s found it.” Zorro took a step closer to Demonta and gently lifted her hand to his heart.
“Oh,” whispered the surprised vampire.
“You wouldn’t leave me behind either, Demonta,” breathed Zorro as he leaned in closer to the wide-eyed young woman.
“Yes, I would.” Demonta swallowed. “I’d leave you behind.” Was added in a hurried, nervous rush. “You smell like a dog. And you make me sneeze. And I have to take medication to be near you.”
Zorro quietly whispered into her ear, “No, you wouldn’t.” Then he smiled at his best friend’s sister. Who, quite bravely, regardless of the dangerous belly button vultures who might turn up in the future, lent in and kissed someone other than a blood relative in a way you never kiss blood relatives… for the first time.
As their first kiss parted, Demonta looked back at Zorro’s deep brown, warm eyes and his inviting features. “No, I wouldn’t leave you behind.”
I’m more of a realist than a romantic, so once again, a chapter for Katherin Elaine.
